Barry’s Reviews – Oster Classic Series 5-Speed Blender – Black BLSTCP-B00-000

I did not expect to find any blender that would beat my Oster Osterizer Galaxie, but I was wrong. That is one fine blender. It cuts through ice cream like a charm, I had my 8th milkshake today and I wasn’t even electrocuted or accidentally ate part of a rusted blade.

I know my standards are pretty high, but I am supper happy about this machine. The only reason I stopped using it is because I am out of strawberries. I could go out to get some more, but I am exhausted after a full day of blending. Anyway, the stores are probably closed because it’s the new year soon. I don’t know who’s birthday it is that we are celebrating, but I find it suspicious.

My good son drank 3 milkshakes and he thinks they were alright. I think I didn’t add enough sugar for him. Maybe I should have added more sugar, I’ll remove 4 points for the taste.

The blender looks amazing. I walked with it a bit this morning and people didn’t mention anything. I’m guessing the packaging is not sexy enough. I took it out of the box, and it’s only after I sat in a mall bench, connected the blender and blasted it on the highest speed for 20 minutes straight that I first got some attention. This very beautiful security guard woman named Rhonda came to ask me out. She wouldn’t say where. Anyway, I’ll update my Tinder profile to mention that I am in a serious relationship. I can’t wait for our future sons to find me on there. Maybe Tinder won’t be a thing then, maybe it will all be virtual reality all you can touch meeting emporium dot com or something. That seems like something I could make a little program about. I’ll ask my son to make it.

Anyway, it’s a pretty good machine:

  • Box Sexyness: 0/10
  • Taste: 6/10
  • Touch: 8/10
  • Overall: 4.66666666666666666/10

Special Thanks to Veronica Tran for the package.

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